My friends Tyler Castleton and Jenny Phillips asked me to share some thoughts at today’s singer/songwriter music workshop in Provo. It seemed to me there were about two hundred and fifty attending and my first “set” was from 9:50 to 10:30am. Next came a class on the craft of songwriting that I taught with Tyler, followed by another session called, “where do we go from here?” sharing the podium with Mindy Gledhill. And then, during lunch there was a bit of a concert and I got to sing three songs of my choosing in between bites of a terrific boxed lunch.
NOTHING WENT THE WAY I PLANNED. If you read my July 15th post on preparing for this day, you know that my M2B:) moment was organizing my thoughts for this event AND BELIEVE ME, what I planned looked pretty darn good on paper. But, it wasn’t what wanted to come out of my mouth today. And I’m glad I let happen what happened because I felt something way more intense and special taking place in those moments with that group of talented and wonderful people than I was able to imagine two days ago. When this happens I’m sometimes a bit bugged that I spent all that time preparing when things don’t go as planned. AND YET, I believe that the prep period is probably the reason the other stuff revealed itself during the presentation. I did my part, and then trusted the moment. It’s at the very heart of the message of my Mission To Be Happy book and CD.
And even though it’s a strange thing to stand in front of people pretending to know what you’re talking about, it didn’t feel strange today because I wasn’t pretending, Whatever I said or sang was motivated by a desperate desire to let every person in that room know how important and valuable their art can be.
I’m not sure I’ll ever know how my presentations came across, but I do know how I felt about the things I said: Felt like a mission to be happy missionary, happy as I could be.
3 Comments
Yeah- that’s how I feel when I teach and present also. And I had come to the same conclusion, that all of the extra study and prep leaves me more open and able with more possibilities, so I keep doing in and trusting in my “feel” to help it work out ok. Bearing all of this in mind, I still haven’t figured out why I continue to stress about things or not be able to sleep the night before sometimes… oh, well, as long as things work out in the end.
Ach. When you get up in front of people, you have to have a light hand on the reins. The spirit will shove you in the direction you should go. The real preparation is just that – knowing how to use words, and so allowing yourself to be a tool in the hand of the Lord – flexible, capable and listening.
It was awesome! It made the workshop so worth it for me. i know to hear what you shared is the reason Heavenly Father provided a means for me to attend. All your churchy stuff was great and your stories were wonderful but what really, really got me was the mission to be happy stuff. It was sooooooo perfect for my life.
I have struggled with depression for 10 years. when i first came to utah to attend BYU in 2006 I had to drop out because my depression got so bad i ended up in the psych hospital the week of finals my first semester. I have been in the psych hospital to many times to count sense then. I tried everything, meds, being with someone at all times, and even shock treatment in 2009 that led me to loose a lot of my memory. I was so frustrated through this all. I knew i wasn’t just an attention deprived teenager doing it to get noticed. I had sooooo much attention and support from my family. No matter what i did i could not get any happier. I couldn’t understand why heavenly father would allow me to suffer like that.
What made it really difficult was watching my friend graduate from college and being the only one in my family to not go on a mission…there was no way I would have been allowed by the church to go. My mom has always told me that my mission was struggling through depression and learning to be happy. She told me that Heavenly Father had this planned for me so that I could help other people through their experiences of depression and teach them that happiness is possible.
Today it has been 8 months since I have been in the hopsital and I think my doctor and I have finally found something that helps me regulate my moods. I haven’t had a serious suicidal thought in 3 months and that is a long long long time for me.
I also really related to your pill song too. It made me laugh and cry at the same time. hahaha… i think the people next to me thought i was crazy (i guess i am) But i know how it feels to debate whether or not to take pills. I have been told by people that I don’t really believe in God if i am not happy and can’t get happy relying on him. I thought for a while that they were right….now i realize that they are the crazy ones. :O)
Thank you so so so much for singing music about this taboo subject. My hope is one day it wont be such a contriversal thing to talk about and people will be more willing to talk about it and not be ashamed to ask for help. i can already see how much of an improvement there has been since i was diagnosed and it makes me happy. Thanks again. I know that your music and what you shared at the workshop was inspired. I am sooooo grateful. I can stand up and say “I did go on a mission. I went on a mission to be happy!” :O)
-KATY (the one who came up to you crying in hysterics after your lunch concert. hahaha…sorry music really gets me sometimes.)