Tonight I sang at a backyard summer social gathering of lawyers, judges and members of an institute devoted to making a difference around the world. Smart people, great expertise, years of experience were there to discuss some of the successes and future goals of their institute, but mostly they came to socialize, eat and be entertained. Before it was my turn to perform I wondered if anyone in this gathering could fix parking tickets. Not that I have any outstanding tickets, mind you, but if ye are prepared ye shall not fear, I always say.
Earlier today I spend two hours in Layton singing for a wonderfully loyal group of fans who seemed to know the lyrics to my songs better than I did….even the most recent compositions. It was a treat singing for them, although they really sort of sang for me. The contrast to this evening’s performance in Provo was striking because I didn’t catch anyone’s mouth singing along. For many, it seemed, this was a first exposure to some of my material. I have to confess, that I felt a bit judged by the judges, which caused me to do a little judging of my own. And then something terrific happened. I quit. Not singing, I quit judging. Removed from my own heart any and all expectations of the evening and just let myself get deeper and deeper into the music, and the message of those songs. As I changed it felt like the evening changed.
Walls dropped, barriers disappeared, connections were made. Even when I felt I’d gone on a bit too long they encouraged me to share a few more songs. Isn’t that amazing! Could it have been that when I removed judging from the equation, accepted the fact that I only have control over my own actions and my own heart, everything changed, and for the better.
It was a wonderful, though short lived M2B:) moment. As they were leaving I found myself judging them again as we shook hands. I think the judge at table three to my right is the one to call if I get a ticket in Utah County.
One Comment
I think a better translation for whatever word in the bible we see as judge might be “condemn,” or “relegate.” maybe even :catagorize.” Because obviously, we have to use judgement all the time. It’s just, when you’re with other people, and you’re busy doing the above, you’re focused only on appearance and using only your database to do the analysis. So you’re missing all the real evidence right there in front of you, instead, filtering the experience through your expectations. So – that means that your heart is somewhere else, locked up in computations, instead of in the moment, living and loving and doing your best to help. (PING!!) That was the sound of my own database, finishing its download. If I ever need that guy? I’ll call you for his name.