Lynne’s been working at the medical clinic since last Wednesday and today I found a window of opportunity to be helpful so I thought I’d do some househusband stuff. I define this as things I believe Lynne would either want done or would be doing herself if she weren’t being Florence Nightengale. AND, in the spirit of my Mission To Be Happy I set my mind to finding joy in these tasks. It wasn’t easy. The chores weren’t all that taxing but finding joy in the moment doing them didn’t come naturally. What’s up with that? I wrote the handbook and SPECIFICALLY made a point of finding happiness (or choosing to be happy) in the present moment no matter what it is, even if it’s chores my DNA screams were meant for girls.
When it was lunchtime I took a break from househusbanding and drove to the clinic to get Lynne for lunch. She wasn’t in the lobby and so I tip toed into the inner sanctum to let her know I was there. She was so involved in her work, drawing blood, giving shots, filling out charts she didn’t see me. I watched her. It’s funny, but I saw her a little differently than I normally do. I mean, I’ve always known she was a wonderful nurse, but watching her and the patients she served made her seem even wonderful-er. Maybe it was the uniform. I don’t know. But it was impressive.
When I finally caught her eye she told me she was too swamped to go out for lunch. One of the medical suppliers had brought in sandwiches for everyone so she was covered. She thanked me for coming , apologized for being too busy and ducked back into the X-ray room. She was being, as we say in the music biz, “a pro at the gig”.
That afternoon things changed for me. I never found a zen like connection with my househusband chores, but I found happiness in knowing I was doing them for Lynne: My accomplished, talented, capable, professional nurse wife. I now have adopted a new mantra when I approach tasks I’m not crazy about doing: Who’s this for? Do you love ‘em? This is just another way of telling ‘em! Carry on…you girlie-man!!
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DNA -” meant for girls????????????” You heathen man – you think GIRLS don’t have to force themselves to find happiness in doing those boring, hopeless chores that house and home and kids require? Perhaps a more interesting insight would be to realize that you were seeing your “husband” work from your “wifely” perspective of being responsible for the household chores while he’s being the pro at the gig. And that we girls, to whom the responsibility of being home TO BRING UP THE CHILDREN, have a hard time keeping up a joyful mantra when the household duties, which are NOT meant for girls, fall to us somehow by default. Certainly not by genetics.
What I’m saying is: think how hard it would be to keep up the happy attitude when the people around you assume that you are the chore person and that —hoping for lunch after trying to find a way to be happy while you’re doing the drudgery—feeling is every day of your life? Because somebody thinks the house is women’s work, and you happen to be one.
Doing someone a favor lends itself to an attitude glow. But being expected to take up the slack? It’s harder to keep up the attitude on a long term, over and over basis.
This isn’t a happy answer, I know. But it’s been a good deal of my last 30 years’ life. And I haven’t found a whole lot of happiness in the constant chores. I know there are some women to whom the household arts ARE joy and fulfillment. And because I chose and choose to be home, I envy them deeply. Perhaps this is why so many of us un-house-ly-by-nature girls have a hard time with depression.
The happiness is in the human companionship. Children in and out. Talking. Belonging.
I take it ALLLLLLL BACKKKKKKK.
Anyway, you’re very cute. Come do some of my chores, too. Because nobody is doing them these days.
As one who is both a working mom and the primary cleaner of most everything, I can tell you it brings great joy when my husband and girls clean up without being asked. There is little sweeter than coming in from work or an errand to find that something has been tidied just because they realized I was overwhelmed and did it to make me happy. I’m sure Lynne was pleased with your efforts.
Lynn Kenyon is right. And I suppose I can’t mind that you left my first comment up here, because a journey towards happiness needs to exist in a world where happiness is sometimes hard to find. Forgive the cultural flatness, but people on the Biggest Loser go on their journey to health in a sort of health monastery – out of the world. It’s not till they get home that they find out if it’s been a real journey, or just an isolated experience. So that seam that split in my view of things – in those decades of finding myself the housewife I had never had any interest in being and locked to it by love for my family – that’s a real thing that has to be dealt with on a journey to achieve happiness. Not that YOU should have to deal with it. But happiness – real happiness – has to be solidly built – not la-dee-da (you are not that, but sometimes we people are), not tooda-lou, but “Yes. This is how I have felt, and what am I going to do about it?” Which is what you were trying to say up there, and what my mother tried to explain to me once – you think of your joy in the person you are serving. I just could never climb over that hurdle.
Happiness – a vista at the top of a mountain. But somehow, also in the climb.
I SO appreciate your honesty!!! Keep on, keeping on!
Why is it I have never heard the word “househusband”? lol!! too funny! I refused to be a housewife…chose to be a homemaker instead. subtle difference
Eeeek! Ick! UGH! One day my sweetheart of a hunky man who makes my skirt fly up asked me why I was in a dither. I was having a fit. One of those freak out moments because the house was a mess (when is it not with seven punks) moments. Why couldn’t I just relax and let it go…….. I told him, “If somebody came over and saw the house in such a sty they would look to me and think, ’she is a crappy housewife!’ ” No thought to the husband. Never a thought to the kids. No one ever thinks, “Well geez! Why doesn’t her husband help out a little or the kids pick up after themselves?” Nope. It’s always, what a shclep of a housewife you are……….And amazingly……that goes for the yard too which as you put it is, “mans work”. If the yard looks like crap it is the woman’s fault too!
In our house there is no such thing as womens or mens work. I don’t ask my husband or kids to do anything I wouldn’t or don’t do right along with them. I mow the lawn……I shovel the snow……and the “males” in this house wash dishes……do their own laundry…….scrub bathrooms………. Depending on who is available for the task at the time is who does it.
You know, it is funny. Never once, have I thought while shoveling snow or mowing the lawn or chopping the wood……that I was doing my husband a favor by doing it for him……..
It’s all about team work. We all live here in this house. We all work together……and because of this……we all laugh together and bond together……
I like Teri’s comment….