I was reminded of something today that first came to my attention about a year and a half ago and then got put on the back burner… til this afternoon. It came from a wonderful little sermon I heard when we were living in Malibu. It was about tolerance and love. The message was simple. The Lord didn’t say, “As I have tolerated you, tolerate one another”. (Of course He didn’t say that!!! Who’d sing THAT song.) His commandment was, “As I have LOVED you LOVE one another”. (Much better song AND a much better example for all of us to follow). I heard the message and liked it enough to file it under: Great lines to remember if you ever are asked to speak or sing about tolerance.
But today the subject came up and a thought came crashing down on me: What if someone spends the majority of their life believing that being “tolerated” or “accepted” is the best they can ever hope for? What would that feel like? To have your greatest wish be that people would put up with you. Sort of.
I tried to imagine living in that place not just for a week or two, but for years and years and years, and as I did, and for reasons I can’t explain, I was allowed to know what that felt like. It was a strange gift, having that feeling and I must confess it wasn’t a happy feeling for a man on a mission to be happy. But then I realized that even though I hadn’t carried that burden for most of my life I could do something for those who had. I could love them. Not just accept them or tolerate them or put up with them, but love them. Just thinking this thought, processing this feeling and promising to be more loving brought not only a feeling of happiness, real happiness, but of peace. It also brought on a feeling of absolute humility because I realized that I didn’t know how to do this thing I wanted so much to do. To go beyond merely tolerating or accepting and on to…loving.
Sooooo, maybe my life long mission to be happy is leading me to discover that the only real happiness that matters is the kind that’s somehow connected to, wrapped up in or expressed through……love.
Today my happiness came with a discovery and a promise. Now comes the best part. Doing.
4 Comments
Talk about an Aah moment, can you imagine how much better the world will be if we can make that leap-to doing. To find a way to love more, instead of just tolerate. I can’t explain what I’m feeling right now, but the best way is to say the spirit is whispering that there is great truth in this post. Even in the first grade I am finding little souls that think they are unloveable, who have never in their short lives have been told they are loveable and capable, who have never been hugged, or been given a high five. I finding loving children a very natural thing for me, I think that is my sphere of influence in this world. What more can I do to show love instead of tolerance in my walk today? A great thing to think about as I go through my day. Love it!!!
I’ve spent a good portion of my life being “tolerated,” I had to learn to love myself in order to overcome that road block. I still fall back into that cycle sometimes. HOWEVER, I have a greater compassion for others because of it. Sometimes I empathize too much. The principle you have written about today is one that everyone needs to learn. I hope everyone who reads this feels the spirit in which it was written.
I have been married 6 years and I know what it’s like to just be tolerated, and at times not even that. Coming from a loving family, the last 6 years have been difficult to deal with at times, depressing at best. Although I have a very happy marriage, my husband’s family has caused many moments of despair and depression in my life, as well as his. They have used and abused emotionally, mentally, and, at times, physically. We have not had contact with these people for quite some time now, but the effects of their abuse remain. Some days it is worse than others. On the good days, I try to think of them they way I wish they would have thought of me. Even though we don’t talk, I try to think of loving them the way I wish I would have been. I think of the consequences that they have to live up to and the things they have to give up in this life and possibly the next because of the choices they have made in their lives, and I feel sorry that they made those choices in the first place. It is hard to do some days. But I would rather love someone even through the pain they have inflicted than to just tolerate them, or less, the way they did to me. Somewhere in this there must be happiness that is waiting to be found, and I am trying hard to find it. It is an awful feeling knowing that you are not loved, but, in my opinion, it is even more awful to be the one doing the tolerating.
Thank you. This is very apropos in relation to a situation with a nephew. Thank you!
Even though you might find it has some Mom TMI, you might find this post interesting.
http://the-cat-room.blogspot.com/2010/02/mom-knowledge.html
Again, thank you for your insights.